Colossal Congress of Stuff & Things Magazine

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Billy and the Pool Hall
by Vastly Vaster
 
Billy got a pool cue and shined it up nice,
Learned to powder his hands and chaulk up right.
After years of planning he barged into the hall.
"Step aside boys," he shouted. "I'm better'n you all."
He won his first lag and started a good frame,
Only to proceed to lose his first game.
 
Billy got his ass beat from there on out,
But didn't learn humility or ever felt doubt.
"I can't lose every stinkin' game that I play."
But sure enough he did, and could no longer stay,
As every rack he played resulted in the same.
He had to give up his playing of the game.
 
Billy got a teacher to re-learn how to shoot.
But his teacher said, "Billy, don't be a fool.
You've got no talent and you'll get no luck."
Yet Billy wouldn't hear it. "I can't believe I suck!
I've got to keep on tryin'. I can't be that lame!"
So Billy continued to pursue his desperate game.
 
Billy got his ass back to the hall.
But of the games he played, he lost them, one and all,
And Billy knew that it was his time to walk away.
As Billy was leaving, one of the sharps named Johnny 
Called out, "You got guts kid. I know why you came.
But you suck. So go on home. Leave this game."
 
And Billy was heard by some to sigh,
"Thanks Johnny, I just wanted to say
That I've been beaten by the best."
 

The following has been slightly edited since first written. It perhaps should be titled "Frustrated", as I was when I wrote it.

Chanting
by Vastly Vaster
 
Drivers parking in the lot,
Chanting out their windows,
"Gotta get close. Gotta get close. 
Gotta, gotta, gotta. Gotta get close."
 
SUVs tailgating on the road,
Chanting behind the wheel,
"Gotta get by. Gotta get by. 
Gotta, gotta, gotta. Gotta get by."
 
Children posting in forums,
Chanting at their keyboard, 
"Gotta post last. Gotta post last. 
Gotta, gotta, gotta. Gotta post last."
 
Voices talking in my head,
Chanting, chanting, chanting,
"Gotta shut up. Gotta shut up. 
Gotta, gotta, gotta. Gotta shut up."
 

I rather like this one. A style all of my own. Could have originally been titled "Mean Old Bastard". (It does need a little tweaking perhaps.)

"I'll see you later."
by Vastly Vaster
 
The kid enters the diner 
with intent to commit robbery 
for a few bucks at least
he figured.
 
It was a filthy diner 
and the man behind the counter 
was a mean old bastard
anyways.
 
He sat down at a stool
and ordered a coffee 
and waited, clutching his gun 
in his coat.
 
The waitress came back with the coffee
along with a wink and a smile
and he forgot for a moment
why he came.
 
"She's kinda cute yeah know,"
he thought, watching her
walk away, "I'll have to 
ask her out."
 
"What are you looking at?" he heard
and he looked up to see 
that mean old bastard looking
down at him.
 
"You're a mean old bastard," he says
and he takes out his gun and pops him in the face
and he watches as that mean old bastard
goes down hard.
 
He jumps the counter 
and gets his few bucks 
and on the way out he says to the girl,
"I'll see you later."
 
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Publisher: John Gwot Editor: Gordon Geck

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